Log in

i'm smiling 'cus i'm scared as hell. [entries|friends|calendar]
Gina Bean

[ website | myspace<3 ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[18 Jun 2009|12:13am]
It's that time of the month. Therefore I know that I am irrationally emotional. However, I can't shake this. Steven's at the station (24hrs.) & I feel lonelier than I usually do when he's at work. I'm just having one of those days where I feel absolutely terrified of everything. I used to be overwhelmed by not knowing the future & now I'm overwhelmed because I do know it & the countdown freaks me out day after day. I'm so happy & so grateful for everything but I'm truly very scared. I just feel like crying. I just wish my baby was here to hold me tonight while I fall asleep. Thankfully I can see him in 8 hours. Here come the tears.
3 comments|post comment

<3 [02 Jun 2009|11:16am]
[ mood | excited ]

Things I'm Looking Forward To:

~ Day trip to Aquatica with Steven

~ UF Orientation Weekend with Mom

~ Steven's Bday/Fourth of July

~ Rascal Flatts (with Darius Rucker) concert with Steven

~ Daytona &/or boating trips to Lake Placid with Steven's family

~ My sister Erin visiting =)

~ VEGAS family reunion/vacation ~ it's my Nona's 80th birthday! Crazy italians.

~ Seeing Cirque du Soleil (The Beatles LOVE version!!!!!!) in Las Vegas.

~ Road Trip to Tampa for Kenny Chesney (with Lady Antebellem & Miranda Lambert!) concert with Steven & others

~ Graduating Broward College

~ Andrea's Bday Bash & Vivian's Bday Bash

~ My 20th Birthday

~ Moving to Gainesville!

~ Being a GATOR!!!

~ Blink 182 (with Fall Out Boy, AAR, & Asher Roth) concert with Steven & others

~ & everything in between!!!!!!

Life is good.

5 comments|post comment

Go Gators! [21 Apr 2009|01:18am]
So my fate all along was UF?!?! Yep! I will be moving to Gainesville this fall & I am absolutely thrilled. Everything is going to be just fine with Steven & I. He is very happy for me & we are stronger than ever, pretty sad, but positive & I know it's the right thing to do. It is too good of an opportunity that I worked really hard for to pass up. I deserve this & I'm happy to say I finally know my future. This feels really right. & everyone around me agrees. I'm really proud of myself for getting to this point. Such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now. Life is good. I'm so in love. Having tons of fun. Spring semester is a week away from being over. My job is great; not to mention I have made some really amazing new girlfriends from work. They are so much fun & such great girls. I'm sad I won't get to work with them next year but at least we'll have the summer to party. FAFSA, taxes, getting sick, my period, & getting a summer job are some of the things stressing me out but I'll conquer them all once finals are over. Then I only get a week off before summer session starts. I'm taking Spanish 1 & National Government session 1 & Spanish 2 & Statistics session 2 then I'll have my A.A. Degree. So it will definitely be a long summer... Time to watch Chelsea Lately! Ciao.
4 comments|post comment

HOLY SHIT. [16 Apr 2009|01:10am]
[ mood | shocked ]

Congratulations!!! Your application to the University of Florida for the Fall 2009 term has been approved!

Official notification will arrive by mail, including the conditions of your admission as well as important orientation and immunization information.

We look forward to seeing you on campus soon, and welcome you to the Gator Nation!

...things just got that much crazier. To be continued.

2 comments|post comment

what's a girl to do? [30 Mar 2009|01:41am]
Well it's 1:40 am on a Sunday & I cannot sleep. My little firefighter is out cold in bed next to me, however I can't seem to catch a wink. & I have to be up in 6 hours for a long day of school & work. I know part of my sleep troubles are due to way too many thoughts on the brain. As of late I have had numerous things on my mind, in which I selectively keep a lot of it inside & sometimes it becomes too much. The major issue at hand is, as always, my future. Something I have been stressing since the middle of my senior year of high school & still have not fulfilled. Freshman year of college was really rough for me. I spent the first semester depressed & very unhappy, & the second semester living in Atlanta & stalling. I came back to Pembroke Pines refreshed & with a new plan - to earn my A.A. at BCC & then off to a state university. Simple. But nothing can ever be that simple. A young man came into my life that July & turned my world upside down. After years of being the single gal, it was finally my turn. Steven & I began dating & now we're very much in love. This is where my problem unfortunately occurs. My big plan of going off to college now doesn't quite make sense. Before I was set & ready to venture off into a new place with new people & hope for the best. Now I'm not so sure. I was accepted to FSU Summer Term, but not accepted into the School of Communication so that was the first crossed off my list. Along with a few other factors like distance & least fave college town. UCF, I am deferred until an official A.A. Degree is obtained (August), & I STILL have not heard back from UF. So although I see myself most likely ending up in Orlando...I feel very very torn. This would require a long distance relationship between Steven & I. This thought crossed my mind back in September while I was applying but I never thought it would get to this point, even though I secretly wished it would (him being my first serious relationship). I used to be very very set on moving out, moving away & obtaining the full university experience. It just felt like what was meant to be. However, throughout the month of January, as it became more apparent how close that transfer time was coming, I was starting to become very depressed. There were days where I could not stop crying. Sobbing my eyes out at the thought of leaving Steven & not being together whenever we wanted, living streets away from each other. I felt numerous emotions. I was already heartbroken at just the thought of what it would feel like to be apart. I felt extremely guilty for being selfish & not changing my plans for a boy. But this isn't any boy. Steven is my BEST FRIEND. He is my world. I see myself with no one else. He is the perfect one for me & I could honestly share my life with him. These thoughts run through my head every single day. I don't cry as much any more because I keep telling myself everything will work out. But I worry about it tremendously. I am so very happy with Steven every day but it's sad how much these thoughts go through my head. I've now started to reconsider. I have never ever had any interest in going to a local school like FIU or FAU in South Florida. But love changes things. When someone changes your world so much you begin to not care as much about everything else as long as you have that person by your side. Yes, my family, best friends, & boyfriend are all here. I have a great job that I love here. I would most likely move back here anyway after I graduate to be with Steven...all these factors tell me...Gina, reconsider. Unfortunately we also do not have the option of Steven ever moving away to be with me. For right now he is here working for the Hallendale Beach Fire Department. Firefighters rarely change stations because it is a lot of work to get hired & he just went through so much to finally be working, he will not be looking into other cities for a while. Point being, unlike other people my age he is no longer a college student & cannot transfer to the same school as me which makes it even harder. Although I have a many factors of why I do not wish to make this my ultimate destination, I continually tell myself, this is how much he means to me...this is real & I just want to be happy. Often people don't understand why I don't wish to settle for a South Florida school & honestly I just really don't think it could be as fun of an experience. However, no matter what happens I will make the best of it. It's just a lot of pressure on my shoulders. So I think I might apply to FIU to definitely have as a back up. I am honestly very very very torn & could use some answers. I want this awful cycle of not knowing my collegiate future to finally end & I want to be satisfied. I have worked really hard & have been very patient. I really wish I knew what to do. I'm very scared & unsure. What's a girl to do.
12 comments|post comment

without you in my life baby, i just wouldn't be living at all [13 Mar 2009|12:09am]
[ mood | happy ]

I have found the most beautiful thing in the world.
L - O - V - E.

Steven is my complete happiness.

I can honestly say I understand why people get married now.
It is absolutely possible to find everything you'd ever want in one person.
I love him with every beat of my heart & every inch of my soul.
He's my best friend & my other half.
I am truly in love with Steven & he is in love with me.
That's really all I needed to say.

post comment

[07 Mar 2009|11:02pm]
There is way too much crazy going on right now in my own head.
I don't think I have the energy to type it all it out.
Life is definitely mentally challenging me these days.
I'm doing just fine but some days my mind & my emotions & my environment get all mixed up & I feel very, very lost inside.
I'm a hot mess but everything's gonna be alright.
post comment

merry christmas :) [25 Dec 2008|04:46am]
[ mood | loved ]

I'm in love. I feel so lucky.

post comment

fa la la la la [08 Dec 2008|02:13am]
[ mood | drained ]

This semester has been incredibly rough on me. I'm currently mentally, physically & emotionally drained. Utterly exhausted. Still coughing, constant runny nose, constant dehydration & chapped lips, fatigue, frequent headaches, nausea, etc. Not to mention I feel dirty & fat. As soon as this god awful finals week is over I will seriously be reuniting with LA Fitness. It's 2 AM & although I haven't procrastinated all day I have been sitting, studying for 6 hours straight. If there was a gold medal for study-guide making, it would be mine. But I left zero time to actually study the amazing study-guides. Two finals in one day is just not fair. :( So what if I spoiled myself this weekend watching Christmas movies, decorating the tree, napping & sleeping over Steven's. Cleaning, laundry, errands & showering were all also necessay. I have been killing myself, going on no sleep & developing a new addiction to coffee. Boy am I glad I don't have any late night &/or weekend shifts for work. 3-6pm baby. Best job I've ever had. This is totally a pointless entry other than I'd like to prolong reviewing ten thousand Envronmental Science terms & what Judaism, Christianity, & Islam are all about. Kill me. Then it's a nice fat math final to stress over for the next 72 hours. Yes! I will be taken WELL advantage of this 3 week break. Starting with Steven's Paramedic Graduation & celebration on Friday! So proud of him. I have so many presents I am excited to get for people & so many fun seasonal things on my to-do list. 4 days seems so far away!!! Anyway back to my studies...

One thing is for sure...I was accepted to FSU last week!!! :)

3 comments|post comment

Seasons Greetings [23 Nov 2008|02:29am]
[ mood | busy ]

Life has been such a whirlwind lately. I barely have time to breathe anymore. In the past month school has gotten much harder & much more demanding. Monday through Thursday I pretty much feel like a zombie dragging myself from class to class then work everyday 3-6. That is great though, I really love my job. I thrive off redbull & coffee & barely squeeze in time to shower. However I am guilty in the love department. Steven & I are together every chance we get. & if I'm not with him I am probably with my besties. Kristen dyed my hair the other night! It looks great - I'm so proud of her. I've been sleeping over Steven's a few nights practically every week & I love it. I lovelovelove falling asleep & waking up next to him. I can't describe it. I told my mom the other day I would probably still hate my life here if it weren't for him. I'm so happy & I'm falling hard for him. I feel so lucky. Not to mention I am ridiculously excited to have someone to kiss under the mistletoe, kiss on New Year's & have an honest to God valentine for the first time in my life! I know I know - cliche. ;) I got my fake ID taken away at Automatic Slims last week - that super sucked. It wasn't that great anyway but at least I had it. So I'm on the lookout for a new one, preferably age 21 because I know I really don't look any older than that. I will pay a nice price - tell your friends! lol Help me out! I can't freaking wait for this semester to end already. I am so exhausted. Three weeks off school & two weeks off work. However FIVE new classes again this spring - oh boy. 4/5 are at Central Campus too so that's going to be a whole lot of driving & a lot less sleeping. BUT! No early classes! Hallelujah. The earliest is 11am. I'm taking American History to 1877, General Psychology (with Anthony - yay!), Oceanography, Oceanography Lab, & Computer/Internet Literacy. Hopefully I can get refreshed & reboot over break! This Wednesday my mom, brother & I are going up to Atlanta to spend Thanksgiving at my sister's. I'm SO excited. Macy's Parade, mashed potatoes, chocolate pie, Charlie Brown, going to the movies, family. I miss Atlanta so much! & of course I miss my sister even more. I know it's gonna be a blast. I love my crazy family. I will be sad to not be with my Dad though. :( 2 1/2 years later & the divorce still breaks my heart everyday. Especially around the holidays it gets really hard. The cool weather has been so nice. & freezing sweater weather awaits us in Georgia! I'm estatic for a 5 day getaway but will miss my boyfriend terribly. However we are looking forward to both being in town for Christmas! I'm overwhelmed with stress & with JOY. =)

President Barack Obama!!!!!!
November 4, 2008 is a day I will never forget.
& watching his speech & victory party is a moment I will never forget.
My first election & I am more than thrilled.
I can't believe how lucky I am to have lived to see such a historical moment.
I will just leave it at that - short & sweet.
CHANGE here we come. :)

post comment

<3 [16 Nov 2008|07:33pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I am head over heels for Mr. Steven Bradford.
I've never ever had feelings like this before.

post comment

Nov. 4th [02 Nov 2008|08:00pm]
post comment

[26 Oct 2008|11:34pm]
[ mood | loved ]

For the record - I am ridiculously infatuated. :)

post comment

weekend update [26 Oct 2008|08:42pm]
[ mood | drained ]

Well, it's been a little while since I've updated. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful. Between midterms, term papers, & a thousand other little things I have been quite frazzled. & although those are over I am already having normal tests again - a little overwhelming. However, there is some kind of rush I get out of being stressed - something about how accomplishing it all is much more rewarding after you've gotten through it.

I also finally got a job! I did a little networking with an acquaintance & snagged an interview at the City of Pembroke Pines Charter School - Central (elem. & middle). I am now employed in their aftercare program as a 6th grade counselor. It's Monday through Friday, 3-6 p.m; No nights, weekends, or holidays - which is PRETTY SWEET. It is the perfect hours for me. This job had my name written all over it. It's low stress & at the perfect time of day (when I'm always napping or doing NOTHING). After running around to get drug tested & fingerprinted since it's for the school board & the city, starting my first day last week was such a relief. I can't wait to start getting paid regularly again. Did I mention it pays $8.90 an hour?

In other news, I absolutely love having a boyfriend. I've never had a relationship this mature in my life. Steven is really great. All my friends love him, my mom loves him, & I love his family. We have so much fun together & it is just very genuine. He makes me so happy, everyday. :)

Still awaiting replies from UF, FSU, & UCF...BCC fucked up & 2/3 just received my transcripts last week. I applied for Summer 2009 for FSU & UCF, but Fall 2009 for UF because you have to have 60 credits to be accepted. It's been really complicated. I continue to stand by my opinion that going to community college is crap. I am so sick of the whole world saying how it's so much better & so much easier. When in reality it's ridiculously confusing & hard. It is much simpler & easier to apply in high school & go straight to college & stay at ONE school for four years. The thing I hate most is honestly, I can only name ONE person I know who actually went to BCC for 2 years, got her A.A. & successfully transferred to UCF - Liz Crespo. EVERYONE else either went straight there after high school or they continue to dick around at BCC. I don't know ANYONE trying to do the same thing as me right now. Not even Danielle. & I don't mean FIU or FAU either, sorry. So it makes it really hard when I don't have any personal motivation from my peers or anyone to ask for advice or help. I know I bitch about this a lot but it's just my biggest priority right now. It is my #1 goal.

Today, I voted for the first time in my life. After all this waiting & anticipation, choosing Barack Obama & Joe Biden felt great. Waiting in line for 2 1/2 hours was not fun but well worth it. I am dying for this election to be over already so everyone will SHUT UP. I would just like to say a few things. I, Gina Filipelli, have HUNDREDS of intelligent reasons why I believe Barack Obama should be President. Please ask, I am willing to give numerous examples. NOT why he is better than McCain or why McCain sucks. It is more important to strongly support your candidate than bash the other. The last thing I want to say is, for all the McCain/Palin supporters - I would respect you more if I actually heard you say more intelligent reasons why you SUPPORT your candidates - NOT ignorant reasons why you think Obama sucks. I never hear anyone say good things about McCain or Palin except he's a veteran & she is pretty. Bullshit. Say something with dignity or don't say anything at all. Thank you.

To wrap this up I would like to say a few words about Natalie Evaro. If you know of her you probably know that she died last week. She was in a horrific car accident & died two days later. She was 20 years old. This news saddened me tremendously. It absolutely breaks my heart. I was not a good friend of hers but have been an acquaintance for about four or five years now. We were in drama club at EHS years ago & have many mutual friends. Every so often we left each other a comment on myspace ,facebook, etc. after she moved to TN & I moved to AZ. Regardless, I have always admired her. She was such a wonderful girl. Smart, pretty, funny, outgoing, unique, & she had a beautiful soul. So really, I was very sad for all of her loved ones because I can only imagine how broken they must be. It is just extremely sad. The only positive thing I can possibly think to say is that I hope she's with Greg now. I believe they are together again in heaven. Everyone please - drive safe & ALWAYS wear your seatbelt. I can't watch anymore of my peers die in car accidents, it's truly ashame.


Nat & Greg - A Midsummer Night's Dream - 2004
2 comments|post comment

the first fabulous season is starting... [03 Oct 2008|11:26am]
October 7th
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
9 PM on Bravo ~ WATCH!


Please watch the show I worked for! :)
post comment

viva la vida! [27 Sep 2008|12:57pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Everything is really great. I have awesome friends. We may drink too much, but hey it's college. I've been having a lot of fun lately. I feel lucky to have a great a little group here in Pines. We practically live at Ale House & I am so glad no one clubs anymore. Over it. Steven is amazing. He really makes me laugh to the point of peeing my pants. There is never a dull moment. He couldn't have come into my life at a better time. :) School is just dandy. I love school. I'm doing well & not too stressed so far. & my health class ends in two weeks which is sweet. In the meantime I am DYING to hear back from universities! I want to get in SO BAD. I'm super anxious/excited. I do still really really need a job. I've been applying/interviewing everywhere. Everywhere except restaurants, which is the easiest place to get hired on a whim. I just wanna do something different for a change. I've applied to Barnes & Noble, Organized Living, Old Navy, Pier 1, Living Waters, etc. I always get "we just hired 5 people" or "we'll get back to you in a couple weeks" (for holiday help). Lame. So all this waiting is rather annoying & I'm beyond sick of being poor. I am pretty damn good at it though. I've resulted in using coinstar, selling my clothes at Plato's Closet, the dollar store, & taking well advantage of Ladies Nights, lol. I lightened my hair for the first time in 3 years. Added some lighter brown & gold. I needed a little pick-me-up! I love it & wanna keep adding more. My little brother is taking Sign Language in 11th grade & I am so jealous! I will most definitely be taking it in the future for my foreign language. He got his license recently & of course the baby of the family got my dad's old car (a white firebird!). He is so freaking cute driving around in it. So grown up. :) I've heard that September is always a bad month. & my last two Septembers sucked. But there is change in the air & I can't believe it's already October!

post comment

[14 Sep 2008|11:50pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

He makes me so happy!

post comment

[08 Sep 2008|09:41pm]
[ mood | productive ]

I just applied to FSU, UF, & UCF for 2009 & it feels so damn good!

Wish me luck. :)

3 comments|post comment

Well I can't sleep... [01 Sep 2008|05:30am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

So I love all of my Fall classes:
World Religions
Total Wellness
Envrionmental Science
Liberal Arts Math

So far so good - all great professors - & no night classes. :)
World Religions is amazing already, I love that class - it doesn't feel like school. Super interesting. Anthony is 2 of my classes & Danielle & Anthony are in another. They definitely brighten up my day. & I love my choice of math - it's all logic, probability, statistics, etc. - instead of your normal algebra. As you can see I am getting all my Gen. Eds out of the way first - before I begin to mold my educational path & really start taking classes for my major. I am really eager to start applying to schools - but the whole "Transfer Student" thing is bit confusing/overwhelming. Gah.

Lately I've been very passionate about politics. Obama's speech at the D.N.C. was incredible. He is so inspiring. I know conservatives will always stay conservative - but I wish all the immature haters would stop being so ignorant about it all. I DO NOT think Obama is a "celebrity" or "a fad" - I think this is just an election A LOT of people are passionate about, & he is the change dream we've all been waiting for. Yes, I do pay attention & I don't just like Obama because he is different & labeled Liberal - even though I am a die-hard Liberal...He is passionate about many important things that pertain to me & my family. The housing crisis - my family was an INSANE victim of that - during my parents divorce - my senior year - which is why I didn't go to college - because the house didn't sell for over 15 months & was forclosed. The economy - sure we're all affected by gas prices - but I had to watch my own mother be un-employed for 6 months - which was really hard but thankfully ended. I am not playing the pity card I am just saying I DEFINE what he talks about as "middle class American families." I am personally connected to what he wants to change. - The buyers market - mortgages/loans, thousands of kids not having money to go to college, the overall economy - sharing a resourceful point of view on oil, etc. & cutting taxes on middle class Americans - who are suffering the most right now. Barack Obama gave his acceptance speech exactly 65 years to the day after Martin Luther King Jr's 'I have a Dream" speech. It is amazing to look at it from the big picture & to realize people are STILL questioning race in society. I don't think we could ask for a better black man! PLUS, people forget...he is HALF WHITE! It is incredible to me how selfish people are. I don't want another 4 years to go by & everyone's saying "what were we thinking not electing Obama..." just like how Al Gore surely would have been better than George W. Bush. & McCain picking the most anti-feminist woman on the planet for his VP?! WTF. If grown adult Americans cannot see right through that joke, I am ashamed to be associated with them - especially women. They have only met each other 2 times! This woman could potentially be our President - heaven forbid - McCain is a 72 year old cancer survivor! C'mon people....

All I'm saying is if you're not involved & you're over the age of 16 - get interested. Because it will affect your adult life tremendously. It is so important to pay attention & have your OWN opionions. Most of all - register to vote & actually vote! This only happens every 4 years!

In other news...the significant other - Steven - wonderfully wonderful.
But I can't help but always have that gut feeling I am not good enough.
I guess the insecurity is just a girl thing.
I would just like to enjoy my happiness (which I am) without always being scared it could all go away in the blink of an eye.
It is going really great though. :) :)

August was great - I hope September is even better.<3

4 comments|post comment

[28 Aug 2008|07:11pm]
[ mood | happy ]

This is what I call a drunk post. Loooooooooovin' life. Lovin' it. MCLOVIN IT!

post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]